Weddings and weight loss
the beau & I by the super-talented Juicy Lucy designs
So, the beau and I are getting married/handfasted next year, I might have mentioned it, and there really are few things that can rain on our pink tinted rockabilly/saxon parade, except for when THIS arrived in my inbox from a journalist at one of the weekly magazines:
Lisa, we’ve seen on your blog that you are getting married next year, and would like you to be part of our ‘lose weight for your wedding’ feature. We’ll chart your progress and your pitfalls throughout the year and reveal the new you on your wedding day!’
Are you shitting me? Why exactly would I want a ‘new me’ on my wedding day?
I shouted a number of expletives at the screen and called the beau in to make sure I hadn’t misread it. He encouraged some big deep yoga breaths and then we laughed at the ridiculous-ness of it all. Reason number 399902 as to why I dig that dude and am totes going to marry his sweet viking ass.
It really is no real surprise that potential brides feel a super-huge pressure to shed poundage before their big day though, when literally every vaguely wedding-y magazine I’ve read has given me either a bullet point list of things I need to do in order to fit into a size 6 dress, or offered a completely unappetizing diet plan that would involve me eating only a lettuce leaf and cucumber for the foreseeable future.
This is whack.
I am lucky to have a gorgeous friend who designs and makes pretty, pretty dresses – go check him out www.martincharlesbridalgallery.com - and he would never dream of suggesting I lost a couple o’ pounds before the big day or try on a dress two sizes smaller to give me an incentive to lose weight, but this IS happening. The gorgeous Kat at Rock n Roll Bride last week wrote about how the wedding industry perpetuates the lie that you have to, or should at least consider, losing weight before you walk down the aisle. It got over 100 comments.
Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look deliciously delightful on your wedding day. In fact, I shall be having a make-up artist on the day, mainly because I know I’ll be too excited to master my eyeliner flicks, but apart from that, I’ll look exactly as I do right now, except in a delicious yet-to-be chosen dress, which may be a size 18, or, as I’m much healthier and active now than I’ve ever been, it might be a size 16. It may even be a size 20, who knows? I sure as hell will not be getting hung up over the number on the label. I will wear ridiculously pretty shoes and I will be safe in the knowledge that the beau asked me to marry him because he digs on me – cue Bridget Jones moment – just the way that I am.
More importantly, I dig on me just the way I am, so I will politely, with love, be flicking the middle finger to the magazine’s offer to lose weight for my wedding. Or for any other occasion actually.
Did you, or would you, lose weight for your big day? Are you, like me, flicking the middle finger to the wedding industry, or are you determined to fit into a dress size smaller for your big day? I would love you to share your thoughts in the comments below…
I am a belly dancer and am naturally built like my stocky, petite Irish ancestors. I have some glorious Skandinavian skin tones and am not a fan of skin cancer so I had no plans of tanning. Aside from weekly belly dance I did amp up my workout routine but not in an unhealthy way. My husband is a chef and I LIKE FOOD, DAMMIT! Being 4’10″, five pounds looks like ten on me.
I got a gym membership and went after work. If I didn’t feel like going I didn’t fret myself over it. I averaged 2-3 days a week. 10-14 minutes on the eliptical or bike, stretching, light weight strength training for abs and arms. I ended with some basic yoga stretches and a good amount of water. I wanted to look good but I wouldn’t be unhealthy about it. Since I was rounding thirty and there’s a history of cardiac arrest in my family, a little cardio and more wine was my plan. I cut back on sweets at work for the simple fact that I’m in the medical field and there are a lot of treats gifted to us.
I looked good on my wedding day because I was happy and I requested a Regency era dress with forgiving waist. My matron of honor made the dress with regular updates on my measurements. It was antique white lace and not white white. It rocked my assets: butt, cleavage and collarbone and left the rest a mystery. The month leading up to the wedding our Portland , OR friends were wishing to celebrate even though they couldn’t attend in Michigan. There were many barbeques and I didn’t hold back. That was a wonderfully happy time for me and I looked good even if I was well fed. It turned out that extra weight came in handy because I was too busy to eat at the reception.
That workout schedule is one I have maintained in the eleven months since the wedding and I am glad of it. Hiking and belly dance are easier with a stronger core. Great, thought-provoking blog. Always brilliant!
Thanks for this Ellen! I LOVE your attitude, g-friend! I too bellydance and do yoga and if I lose weight? Cool. If I don’t, that’s cool too. What’s more important to me is that I’m happy and healthy, so that the beau and I can live a life with filled with happy love stuff and that we celebrate that love stuff with the people we dig and who dig us. I NEED to see pix of this rockin’ wedding ensemble o’ yours sounds HAWT!
Absolutely LOVE you!! Defo not right to change the person that the Viking met and fell head over heals with just so she can fit into some fantasy dress. He doesn’t want the fantasy bride – he wants YOU. I had my wedding dress made to fit me, sized 16 then. I had full-time work and a wedding to organise, complete with family politics and a limited budget – I wasn’t going to bother adding to all of that with trying to change myself into a person I wasn’t just for one day.
LOVE THIS! I will be having mine made to measure too, so the only size it will be is Lisa-sized!
I lost a stone and a half a year before the wedding, went off track and put on 2 stone before the wedding, did I care no, I still looked great, my hub still loved me and the day still rocked! I loved my wedding but I went to Vegas and kept it simple and about us, and didn’t let it take over our life! My advice is whatever the kind of day enjoy the ride there x
Miss V! I do secretly LOVE the idea of a Vegas wedding, may persuade the beau to do it all over again there the year after! Thanks for sharing missy and I have no doubt you looked freakin’ badass!
It is such a shame that magazine industry is so shallow, they could have run a super-dooper fab article about you being AMAZING on your wedding day because you embody loving yourself no matter what size you might be!! They missed out on a powerful story that could have empowered many women. Sigh.
You are so beautiful Miss (soon to be Mrs) L! I’m glad the magazine didn’t knock you down. I am an advocate of ‘Healt at EVERY weight’ – size isn’t an indication of health.
I got married in Sri Lanka, just my beautiful man and me…..I wore a Sari, it is just a long piece of material that they wrap around and around….it would have fit me no matter what size I was! Very comfortable, sexy which meant I could enjoy the wedding feast – lots of room to fill my belly. Yum.
You are gonna look HOT on your wedding day
Love ya x
How very dare they!!?
I hate the way people assume you’d want to be something other than yourself on your wedding day, it just does NOT make sense at all!!
I think it was highly offensive of the magazine in question, and no wonder the girls and women of this country are suffering from crippling self-esteem problems when they are met with this judgemental kind of attitude. Good for you for sticking to your guns!
I’m with you, and all of the other ladies too, your viking loves you for whoever and whatever you are (or decide to be).
I myself am a size 14-16 model, I do have flaws, I indeed have wobbly bits – I have a good diet and I keep myself on the go, so (whether I like it or not) this is the body I have been given. It has taken me a while to come to terms with this, despite seeing the beauty in everyone else. This self-criticalness is indeed the sad legacy of the attitude represented by (most) magazines and the media.
But I refuse to fit into anyone elses’ view of the “norm” and I will keep on (proudly) representing the “real” women out there who have achieved all that they wanted regardless of their size.
Have a wonderful Handfasting, you will look beautiful
Blessings,
Lauren
This is exactly what I, as a health well being coach and personal trainer, get so very cross about. The messages in the media, are so incorrect – weightloss is not just for your wedding, for the new year or for the summer holidays – it is for life and it is a slow and determined process that enages the mind and body and heart for long term success.
Anyone who wants to lose weight needs to be in right mind set, a mind set that is about permanant change, which is why so many diets fail, why so many brides lose weight for their wedding, and why so many brides walk down the aisle looking like an emancipated stick insect having hardly eaten for 6 months before the big day.
Yes, a girl wants to look her best on her wedding, but she has to feel her best too, from the inside, and starving herself is going to make her feel rotten and crabby on the inside on what should be her special day.
Ultimatly these magazines do not care about anyone’s health and well being they only care about how many issues they can sell. People need to stop buying these dreadful magazines its the only way to put an end to poor messages.
xxx
This is SO spot-on.
I’m a sucker for a Bridget Jones reference, but even more I love how you recognized this for the ridiculousness it is and made a choice to love you — just as you are. I’m right there with you — celebrating you in all your awesomeness!
HOW rude was that email?! Gah. The wedding industry and its ideas about how women should look is out of control. My friend said that when she went to her dress fittings, they told her they’d literally never had a client who hadn’t lost weight before their wedding (whatever size they started as). They couldn’t even seem to fathom such a person existed and didn’t understand that she wasn’t dieting into her dress. Another friend *was* dieting so she could fit into a smaller dress, then she thought, “What’s the point?” and just bought one in her size.
Wow. Got married twice to the same
Erson (once illegally and once thanks to legalization of same sex marriage). I didn’t even think about losing weight either time. The first time, I had a custom ball gown skirt and corset made th second time I ordered from blowoutbridal.com in a street size and had a few slight alternations made…of the letting ut variety. Both times I felt gorgeous. The wedding industry can kiss my tush.
Size is just a number. My own hubby says that he wishes he could manufacture a line of women’s clothing that had no sizes on the labels. You’d just have to try it on to see which one looks best. Back in the day, clothing was custom made. Ready to wear is a modern thing. So, really, we’re all a different size, but the fashion industry makes us think we’re a certain number. I think that you’re going to be a lovely bride
xo
I was a maid of honor in April just been, my friend found it so difficult not to be bombarded with this issue! Especially as a young bride. As soon as she changed her relationship status on facebook from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘engaged’ ll the advertising on the sides of facebook because about loosing weight, gym memberships, boot camps, slim down plans etc. Advertising automatically changes!!!
I was shocked by this! So not right! So glad you told that magazine where to go!
[...] understand why I want to marry that 6ft 6 dude o’ viking hotness, right? Being loved ‘just as you are‘ is not only a reflection of the dude/dude-ess you spend sweet, sweet love time with, [...]