Before I was a rootin’ tootin’ business-girl who did this whole ‘running a business’ thing on my terms, I thought that being ’professional’ meant I had to have my shit totally together. I thought I had to be super strong, polished, have just-stepped-out-of-a-salon hair and keep any flaws/cracks hidden from view.
As I wrote about a few months ago, my mumma has been told she has a terminal illness, and as you’d imagine, it sucks. Big ones.
Some days I want to cry a thousand rivers, other days I’m crazy-hair-pullin’-mad at the universe, other times I just want to watch X Factor and not feel anything, y’know? But as a business-girl, how do you keep your shit together when your life is falling apart?
When I first found out the news, I’d just finished working with coach, Corrina Gordon Barnes and she wrote me this blog post that filled me up. It was perfect. She made me realise it was possible, I could do it. Then I got to thinking, but what do I tell my clients? Do I blog about it? People might not want to work with me if they think I’m throwing a pity party for 1, they might think I’m not up to the job, that I’m not being of total service.
Thing is, I deal in truth and heart and deep n’ dirty realness, so how could I ask the writer-girls I’m working with to open their hearts and spill their story onto the paper if I wasn’t doing the same?
My biggest fear in all of this was, what if I have to cancel things? They might think I’m flaky, that I’m a rubbish coach, that I don’t care about them or the book they’re writing, and in that way that only the universe can work, in the last few weeks I’ve found myself having to cancel 2 sessions and flying home early from the retreat. Now, in retrospect, if the previous week had been anything to go by – my mum was waiting on results of suitability for a lung transplant - I’d have listened to my heart, followed my instincts and not flown to Greece, but I didn’t want to let people down, so I did what I thought was best.
Turns out, I need to follow my own bloody advice. In Sassy, I wrote: ‘Go with your gut. It’s like a sat nav for the soul, it’s what I rely on to let me know what works and what doesn’t work for me, and it never, ever fails me. I sometimes ignore it, but when I do, life just goes…wrong’ and there’s a reason I wrote that in the book, because it’s bloody true. The repercussions of NOT following my gut, of NOT listening to my heart, meant that when my mum had to go to hospital while I was away and received news via the mail that she wasn’t suitable for a lung transplant, I wasn’t there. So I came home early, I canceled coaching calls and I felt like a prize fuck up.
They weren’t decisions I made lightly, but my heart was hurting and I had to do what felt right. I made sure I spoke to my clients, I spoke to the people on the retreat and I am beyond blessed that I attract nothing but awesomeness in the women that I work with. They shared their own stories, they reached out to me, they sent me love. On the plane home – I was upgraded, I think it was a li’l high-five from the goddess for finally tuning in – I argued with myself, you’re so unprofessional, you’re letting people down, you’ll get a reputation as someone who doesn’t deliver, but do you know what? We’re human, and shitty stuff WILL and DOES happen, imagine if we wore that li’l miss perfect mask every single day? The one that lets no one see what upset us, gives us joy, makes us cry, gives us pleasure? If you’re looking for a super-polished, just-stepped-out-of-a-salon coach/writer-girl who never fucks up, I’m deffo not your girl. I am a truth teller, and in my work, I encourage women to share their stories from their heart, which is why, when I spoke to my clients and shared mine, they didn’t hate on me, call me a slacker or scream ‘Lisa, you’re so unprofessional’ – they simply thanked me for being honest with them.
Thanks to my superstar mentor, Jason Stein, we’ve put things in place that mean I can be close by for the mumma, still build a super-sucessful business AND do the work I love, whilst also being real and true to my heart, to my clients and my clients-to-be. Sharing your story when things feel like they’re falling apart isn’t an excuse, it isn’t about throwing a pity party or writing woe-filled facebook updates it’s about heart spilling, truth and realness.
If your life is getting WAY too real life-y right now, watch this vid by Jason, he has really helped me to keep focused, be true to my heart, heal and still do awesome shit in the world. I defy you not to develop a li’l crush on him. You won’t be able to help yourself.